Dulled senses make you happy
I just had an hour of afternoon sleep before going back to work and had the strangest dream sensation. I wearing earplugs so it was a partly true feeling, but in my dream I was partially deaf and my sight was blurred. I was running a shop for some reason and I think my mum and dad may have been there, with my sister Rachel and Bill, who was a caretaker at my old secondary school – a very admired and revered figure in my village who was the caretaker, speaker of greek, and also an amateur photographer (he did my sister’s wedding photos when i was 3. I was the bridesmaid). At school the flirty girls and more outspoken and intelligent students got his attention usually, whereas he never paid me the blindest bit of notice. I wanted it but i never asked for it. Maybe if i had caught his interest I wouldn’t have known what to do with it. I don’t know.
Anyway, i think actually it may have been a care home or something, not a shop because I was helping out this old, forgetful guy and an overweight, younger lady, to get their breakfast i think. It was so weird not being able to fully grasp what the people I was with were trying to communicate with me, but i know I did feel this amazing sense of freedom and I was leaping about, and laughing and singing quite freely, something i never feel able to do in front of people, or only after a very long friendship. I used to be able to but I lost it somewhere along the way. I wonder where and how i can get it back. My friend has only got 30% of hearing in both ears left and only 1 of her eyes is working properly. Now i kinda get how she feels, in a loose way. She says her deafness makes her feel less self-conscious, like she’s in her own little world.
Anyway I’m writing loads more than i planned to. Gotta get to work!
The lighter evenings we’re having recently make me so happy. As do the smell of hyacinths 
