The ramblings of a 20 something

Does all this technology we have these days improve our lives or just make it more problematic? When a computer, TV, car or any appliance fecks up there’s no one to pass the blame to but ourselves and our stupidity to rely on such unreliable, irresponsible, souless pieces of equipment. For instance, i was just pouring my heart out writing a blog, and the page decides it wants to close down, so it’s gone. Now usually this site saves my drafts as i go, but this one time i needed it to, it didn’t. Now i feel hurt, frustrated like it was a waste of time. It might have provided a cathartic purpose, but still,  I don’t think it’s very good for my health and mental well being, being mucked about like this, but perhaps i shouldn’t be so sensitive and easily disgruntled. But my sensitivity makes up a lot of my good qualities too. Admittedly, being morning, i’m going to be more irritable than at other times of the day.  Life is one long slog to avoid being depressed again.. it seems sometimes. I feel like such a contradiction in myself all the time. On the one hand i’m a caring, peace-loving, conflict-avoiding, open-minded, relaxed person and on the other i am a hysterical, bitter, screaming and kicking whinge bag. But i think i know a lot of people who have felt like they’re a dichotomy. I guess it’s just life that causes these personality splits though, like one minute you’re up, the next you’re down. I just feel like i’m constantly striving to be this good person, and feel guilty when i feel low or even a bit indifferent. And i get bitter when i meet people who do nothing to strive to be a better person. Y’know, people who don’t make an effort with their friends/family, who do nothing to help the world or other people, who don’t put themselves out on a limb – selfish people. And i get bitter because it seems these people who put no effort in get the same, if not more, out of life than i do.  The reason i’m in this mood this morning is partly because of my prattish little brother. I got woken up at 11 by him saying my parents are going to be back soon (they’ve been away for a few days, leaving us witht he empty house). ok, quite late to be in bed, but i made the most out the last free night and have to work this evening so i thought i deserved it. so i got up, straight downstairs and began vacuuming the lounge and kitchen. during that time my bro just sat playing snake on his phone rather than help start the pile of washing up (because it wasn’t his mess). Well excuuuuse, me master! i’ve done the washing all week, washed up 3 times , including your stuff, made up and kept the fire alight all week. Why are some people soooo unhelpful and un-conscientious? I’d happily help anyone anytime. I mean a bit of physical activity doesn’t hurt and i’m very generous with my time. But others are so lazy and un self-sacrificing. Why the FECK should i be if i never get any of it back? I know i shouldn’t do things for people just because i expect something back, but it does get bloody disheartening. Of course, my example has the age-old sibling arguement/rivalry thing going on, but it applies to other relationships too. What is it in my personality that makes me so discontented? In fact i think it’s my situation that makes me the way i am. From the small things like still living at home and not being sure if i’ll be any happier living away, to the bigger questions in life, like why are we here and what should i be doing to make the most of my time. I’ve always been a moaner. A boy from my class wrote in my school leaving book to ”Be happy and stop MOANING!” I’ve just got this jealous, comparing streak. But should i eliminate it or just accept it as part of me? I’m at my best when i get an early start, get out and about and get some perspective on life. It’s like everyday i’ve been born again and have to remember to cope with my thoughts and emotions, but with less strength than i had the night before. Enough of this. Time to go out and get some perspective..